he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
