As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
