I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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