Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
