Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
