now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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