is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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