ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
