you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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