Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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