i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
