Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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