i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
