I need to stop coming to work sober
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
