mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
