That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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