He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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