Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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