Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
