Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
