its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you traded sex for a burrito?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
