you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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