Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
