Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
