1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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