we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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