I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
