dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
