did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
