You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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