none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
