Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
