The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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