Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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