Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
