I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
