remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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