Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
