Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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