her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
