Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
