do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
