Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
