I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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