Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
