I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
