mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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