Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
