My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
