Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Everclear isn't food dammit
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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