I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
