You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I bet he comes in French.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
