Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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